the saddest thing ever

this morning as i was traveling to work, i was daydreaming. and, as i am wont to do, i came up with a sad scenario and dwelled on it. and like the stanislavsky student like i am, it upset me. i thought about what it would be like to go into the witness protection program. and to leave everyone i know behind- all of my friends and family - and never speak to them again. as far as i understand it (and how it was developed in my daydream), i cannot contact anyone that i know ever again. i will be moved to some random location to start a new life. alone. for some, this might seem like a great idea. not me. i can't think of anything worse. especially now that i have nephews to attend to. and my mom and dad. and the artstars. how could i live without them all? and it made me sad. because there are people out there who do this - who have to do this - who choose doing the right thing over the life that they have been building. its pretty admirable. because these people have courage. courage to stand up against someone dangerous. courage to give up everything for the justice of it. i'm too selfish for that. i want my life and my freedom. i want people to know my name. MY NAME. i'm too public a person for all of that. i'd want to perform somewhere and i'm sure that's forbidden in the bylaws of the witness protection program. i'd have to be quiet and sheepish. how would i gain fame (or at least notoriety) if i can't be known? how sad it would all be. how sad.
and yet i still hope that i could have the strength to do it if i had to.