Wednesday, July 06, 2005

your timing sucks

i am annoyed. last night, on my birthday, i was given the brushoff by this guy who apparently had loyalties to some other chick and thus, didn't want to sleep with me. but come on, it was my birthday for god's sake. and i really thought that he and i had a thing. but apparently no. apparently i'm the chick you sleep with but who you would never consider dating. what the fuck is up with that? i'll be honest with you. i like sex. more than most, i'd say. it is something that i enjoy doing. but that doesn't mean that that is all i am good for. i am awesome, guys. seriously. who doesn't want to date a cool girl like me? well, apparently everybody. and i am TIRED of just sleeping with people. i would like to go out on a date with somebody. but i guess i have to choose: sex or a date. because in my experience, the two do not mix. well that just sucks. whats up with that? why is it that people have feelings for everyone else in the world but no one, NO ONE (!) has a crush on me. am i not perfect crush material? do i ask too much of you? what?! and the worst part is, i was actually starting to like this guy. and then, on my birthday, he says that his ex-girlfriend wants to get back together with him and while he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, he says (an awkward way of saying it but i appreciate the heads-up), he feels as if sleeping with me tonight would present a problem. so i'm like "if you're not interested why don't you just say that." he's like oh no, its not that i'm not interested, i mean feel free to attempt to seduce me anytime. awesome. so i'm that girl. the girl who you sleep with whenever. no. i'm sorry. i'm not hip to that. if we had established that as a rule right away then fine but you want to be all free and easy with no rules. if the rules are all we do is have sex, i'd say that's a pretty important rule to mention to a person. you know, i don't think i'm asking too much and i am TIRED of feeling bad for being a girl and getting crushes on people. i like boys. i would like to find a boy who likes me, who thinks i'm worth his time, who wants to have sex with me (yes it IS important) but who also wants to spend time with me and doesn't just think of me like a whore. its demeaning and i'm tired of it.
i'm telling you what i picked the WRONG guy to focus on. i had a crush on two guys. this loser who makes me feel like shit and then this other very nice boy who i'm pretty sure isn't interested in me like that - the other end of the spectrum - the FRIEND. to be honest i have no idea how this boy feels about me but i'm too scared to say anything. he's too perfect. i don't want to ruin it by having the i-just-think-of-you-as-a-friend conversation.
this sucks.


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