an open letter to anyone who is watching...

dearest hacker:

i have noticed that on occasion, when my internet speed becomes slower and I do a virus scan to "clean up" the place, you are there. watching.

and while i appreciate the attention, i wonder what is it you might want? access to my unpaid over the limit credit card bills? a detailed read of my scintillating personal email? or better yet, the dark secrets of the travel industry?

while i'm sure all of these things might seem interesting to you from that dank corner of the room where you sit in the dark. your pale face lit only by the computer screen, making you look more gaunt and lonely that in reality. where you sit feverishly searching to find what makes me tick. at least while i'm on the computer.

i'm flattered. i really am.

but maybe you should get a life. i mean that in the warmest, most supportive, friendly way possible. maybe take a shower. put that sweater on your mother sent you for Christmas. maybe she's right and cornflower blue is your color. Go out and meet someone. anyone. to talk to. there are billions of us weighing down this tiny island. i bet one of them is looking for a guy just like you.

or take it slow. just sit in the park in the sun and people watch. its like hacking but WAY less illegal (unless you start masturbating...which by the way, i wouldn't suggest you do...).

it'll be good for you to get out. i promise.

and also it would be really great if you could avoid slowing down my internet speed. i'd really appreciate it. really cuts into my quality blogging time...ah, but what am i telling you for - if anyone knows, you know.

glad we had this talk.

if you need to chat, you know where i am.

have a good day.