Friday, March 25, 2005

set it free

if you love something, set it free. that's what they say, right?
then why does it feel like i'm giving up? like i failed at making it work...
i haven't spoken to Ken since our "talk."
and it sucks but i really think i'm just going to have to accept the fact that, well, love does not conquer all. he is not ready for a relationship and i am. and even though, it really hurts (alot), i have to let it go. i have to let him be. he needs to work out his own stuff right now. i have to gracefully step aside. and it sucks because i don't want to. i wanted to work at it and fight for it and make it happen.
but as Stefan reminded me "there is no relationship in your relationship." and its true. and i can't keep pretending its okay that i don't hear from him for weeks at a time. because it is a big deal.
so i have to let go. something that is really tough for me to do. i'm stubborn. and proud.
i want to move on, i've TRIED to move on but...i think i need some time. just sex for a little while (ha).
i just really wish i didn't have to be single again and have to date in this city. maybe when the weather gets better, i will be alive and ready again. blecgh.


Anonymous Alannah said...

You're gonna think this is so totally stupid and obvious for me to recommend this...but I'm gonna do it anyway. Maybe you should read that godawful book He's Just Not That Into You. I was in a similar situation (well, I dont' know too much about your situation but I did have to come to terms w/ a dude not liking me as much as I wanted him to) and it was very helpful in driving the fucking point into my head: I Deserve Better.

You do deserve better, Amy....and you'll get it.

12:29 PM  
Blogger Amy Pacheco said...

oh my god, alannah. that book is the devil. i know i deserve better but no bullshit book like that needs tell me. you just did.

10:27 AM  

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